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Friday, June 20, 2003

a solid 45 minutes spent discussing the mighty ducks
mrcdmb6: im surprised youre the biggest ducks fan on my buddy list
mrcdmb6: Fulton: Lil' tuneage to go to sleep by?
Dean: Yeah.
[Fulton turns on loud rock music]
Dean: Sweet dreams, dude!
Top 20 Ways To Tell You're Obsessed With The Mighty Ducks

Thursday, June 19, 2003

This totally made my day.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

I somehow managed to avoid the temptation of spam emails with subject headings of "jfd43jk horny farmgirls go crazy 3423hah" and "MEGAN we have found your money." I even got past "Enlarge Your Penis NOW!" and "Free Inkjets sjkjhkjjhkUBY." However, today I received a message with the subject "Free Vanilla Cookies for YOU Megan!" If spam emails are going to start including offers for free food, I am a goner.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

it is official. I am never going to see my boyfriend again. he is currently in the midst of a two week trip to tennessee, which is bad enough. however, when he comes back he will be home for one two THREE days before he leaves for soccer camp, which is another week. Following that he is off to another four day music festival someplace else, not to mention some weeklong concert trip to Maine. this sucks.
plus, I think that I am in a fight with Emily. I might not be, as I have not actually seen her for about a week, but the last few times I DID see her she was unquestionably short with me. I know her well enough to tell when she's annoyed with me, and the best way to fix it is to just leave her alone for a while. but I really miss her and I want to hang out... but I am too scared to call her. so we'll see.
third, I have a really nasty cut on my toe. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm a dumbass.
so, to summarize: I am lonely, and my toe hurts. I'm going to go eat a pint of ice cream.

Friday, June 13, 2003

a few memos to all ben & jerry's customers
1. yes, unbearably stupid people like this DO actually exist
horrible, horrible man: give me a small mint chocolate chunk.
me: sure.
[I scoop his ice cream and give it to him. he hands it back to me.]
hhm: that's not mint chocolate chunk.
me: umm... yes, it is.
hhm: it isn't green.
me: well, we have no dyes in our ice cream.
hhm: it's supposed to be green. that's a mistake.
me: it's not a mistake, sir, as I just said, we don't have any dyes in our ice cream.
hhm: then why is the strawberry pink?
me: the strawberry is pink because there are strawberries in the ice cream... which MAKE IT pink.
hhm: hmmph.
me: it TASTES green, i promise.

ohh, I would have spit in his ice cream if I could have brought it somewhere he couldn't see.

2. that is not in the least bit amusing
I do not think you are funny when you walk into Ben & Jerry's and say "do you guys sell ice cream here?" and then chuckle to yourself. You are probably the millionth person to say that, and I am only smiling at you to be polite.

3. get a clue
I am sorry that you are lactose intolerant. However, I did not make you lactose intolerant. I also did not force you to come into an ICE CREAM store, where - surprise! - most everything has dairy in it. So don't try to make it my fault that YOU made a stupid decision.

4. I do not make the menu
that is correct, we no longer make coffee heath bar crunch. if you think about it, there are a lot of flavors we don't make anymore. you have to get rid of a flavor every now and then to make space for a new flavor. otherwise we would still have the same flavors we had when ben & jerry's started in 1978. I'm sorry that coffee heath bar crunch was your favorite, but it doesn't do any good to yell at ME about it. do you really think that if I had anything to do with what ice creams the company makes that I would be standing here scooping it for you?

5. oh, and p.s.:
no, we do not sell sandwiches, we sell ice cream and ice cream products. why on earth would you come into an ice cream store for sandwiches? let me make this clear, once and for all: we do not sell sandwiches, we never have sold sandwiches, and we never will sell sandwiches. why don't you try a deli?

Monday, June 09, 2003

How Salve are you?
-A night on the town includes a 40 minute bus ride to Providence to have fun.
-You're familiar with the location of Brad Pitt's beach house.
-You race out of your dorm to catch the trolley to avoid a three minute walk to class.
-You know you're at Salve when the football team loses again and again and again...
-For a Salve girl a dress down day includes stilletto heels, designer jeans, and only ONE hour spent on hair and makeup.
-At Salve, "diversity" means different shades of blonde.
-When asked how it feels to live around mansions you reply: "Well, actually I live in one."
-You know you're at Salve when security gives you a $50 ticket for parking "illegally."
-You know you're in Rodgers Rec when the guys are staring at the weights instead of lifting them.
-You can't get better reception on your cell phone than when you're in your dorm room.
-A normal Saturday night includes getting thrown out of broken up parties and just ending up in VIA VIA.
-On a weekend night, everyone is taking the shuttle "to the post office."
-The students drive better cars than the teachers.
-Salve Regina: where the girls are pretty and the boys are prettier.

thank GOD I am never going back to that place.